Jun 27, 2008

Rant: Everything is Toasted

When the hell did we start toasting everything we eat?

Before I hit my stride, let me state unequivocally that I am a big fan of fire. Love the stuff. Grills the burgers, keeps alight the campfires, warms the fireplaces and causes Frankenstein to go crazy. It's got a billion practical uses, and a million not-so-practical but really cool uses. Also, it demands your respect, because it will f*** you up if you ever cross it. One heckuva chemical reaction, if you ask me.

But toasting... toasting is like the retarded brother of fire. It makes your food marginally warmer and more dry and crispy. Outside of that, it does nothing. Toast, prior to the toaster, is still f***ing bread.

This wouldn't necessarily bother me, really, if it weren't for the fact that somehow the act of toasting your food has permeated our entire social structure. It would be fine if toasting was a value-add, but it's now the default.

Bagels? Toasted. Sandwhiches? Toasted. Wraps? Toasted. Just about everything bread-related has to be toasted before you eat it now.

An example: I went to Dunkin Donuts and wanted a bagel with cream cheese. I order a bagel with cream cheese. The woman behind the counter asks me if I want it toasted. I say no, I'd rather it not be. My bagels comes to me toasted. I ask them to take less action and spend less time and energy on my order, and they go ahead and do it anyway.

It won't take long before there are heating instructions written on the box of Golden Grahams. And you know the day is coming where you can carry around a portable George Foreman grill for the times you just need things toasted on the go.


Mr. Peabody said...

I think she was asking if YOU wanted to be toasted, not the bagel. Then it all makes sense. Next time you should look in the mirror before putting the blame on some unsuspecting poor bagel pusher...geez, have some respect!

Anonymous said...

I, personally, love having my bagels toasted. Un-toasted is just not as delicious. Thus, I truly appreciate being asked (just to confirm) if I'd like my bagel toasted...Golden Grahams, however, might not be so tasty when toasted. I'll agree with that.