Horatio Caine Is Awesome

I'm a CSI fan and love going on the evidence-hunt-turned-whodunnit adventures the different shows and locales offer. And while the original Las Vegas crew is by far my favorite, I do have a soft spot for the CSI crew in Miami. Particularly Horatio Caine, the head of said Miami CSI, played by David Caruso.

Horatio Caine is a ridiculously awesome character. For one, I'm pretty sure his sunglasses are the source of his power, because he's usually got them on his person and they almost always make an appearance when he's being dramatic.

Additionally, Horatio Caine's neck doesn't function correctly all the time. His head is often tilted when he's talking with other characters, so much so that my neck starts to hurt if he's on the screen too long because I'm trying to compensate for the angle. I suppose no neck would be able to carry the ego and personality that Horatio has to shoulder. It is solely his cross to bear.

But the most defining characteristic is the one-liners that only Horatio can deliver. They are rife with dramatic pauses, puns, and sunglasses, and are delivered hilariously deadpan. They usually happen at the beginning of the episode, right after the body has been found. Taken within the format of the show, they're delivered to great comedic effect right before it cuts into The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again".

However, if you take Horatio Caine's one-liners in the context of the character's experiences, it gets downright disturbing. When he sees a dead body for the first time, his first instinct is to put on his sunglasses be a wise-ass? Is that really what goes on in the head of a forensic investigator? I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure that's borderline psychotic. Take a look for yourself below in a compilation of Horatio one-liners:

Witty charm, or cavalier sadism? You decide.
Either way, Horatio Caine is the only man alive that could get away with the above one-liners. And that makes him awesome.