A Strong Case Against Intelligent Life In Space

No, I'm not making any scientific claims here. I'm referring to Moonbase Alpha, a online NASA simulator in which you work as part of a team of astronauts on the moon. And, like anything made with good intentions, when you set it loose upon the internet it necessarily devolves into stupidity. Awesome, hilarious stupidity.

While I haven't played the game myself, it looks fairly straight forward: work together to complete science-y type tasks in a simulated - and visually stunning - moon environment. You can pilot vehicles and interact with Communication between astronauts is done using a chat which is then spoken aloud in what I believe is Stephen Hawking's voice box. It may not seem like it, but it's a recipe for unintentional comedy gold.

I think the funniest part of the video is not what goes on in the game, but rather what I imagine what ground control must be thinking when they realize the crew they sent up there. Do they regret sending up a crew that is completely unresponsive to orders? Did they realize the crew had a collective IQ of 80 before sending them up? Is ground control worried that the crew, at any point, are just as likely to take off their helmet than they are to fix whatever needs fixing? Are they secretly hoping the astronauts take off their helmets?

I wanna know who's getting fired for letting this happen.

Video might be NSFW for Stephen Hawking sounding like he has Tourettes.

Drop it like it low grav.

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Pure epic

History is rife with examples of how two awesome things are put together to form an even more awesomer thing: peanut butter and chocolate; rock and roll; Stephen Hawking and speak-and-spells. This 2-combo bar has been the gold standard for thousands of years of human history.

Until today.

Some grand alchemist decided he would go for the impossible. He would combine not two awesome things together, but 3. Mad, is he? Sure, I'm sure he got that a lot in his quest for human combo advancement. I'm sure his kids cried little kid tears when father wouldn't come home again because he's set afire with purpose and flashes of insight.

So I humbly present to you, something unimaginably epic - a video game that combines Pheonix Wright, Elite Beat Agents, and Queen.

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8-bit tripping

Stop motion video is a medium that has always fascinates me. You set up a picture, take it, then work to set up the next picture that's only slightly different than the one before so as to create motion. Rinse and repeat. Because the effort required to produce even a small amount of video is enormous, it's almost always a labor of love. And that's usually reflected in the video itself.

Case in point, 8-bit Trip. Someone (or several someones, more likely) spent 1,500 hours assembling and disassembling Lego blocks to create some amazing 8-bit esque video. The results are stunning.

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Bomb has been planted (in your mind)

Counterstrike, for all intents and purposes, was the game that really introduced me to this whole "online gaming" thing. Sure, other games had gone online, and I understood how that was a good thing intellectually, but it wasn't until I got the thrill of pwning noobs and talking shit over voice chat did I really fall in love.

Better still, this was all done at my college (I was a late bloomer with the online gaming) with a tight community of players about 30 strong. It was cool to live this double life of student and awp whore elite tactical agent. Even cooler was when you and other members of this community, previously anonymous to one another, discovered one another about campus. Granted I took (and still take) an unoriginal handle, but "Oh shit, you're Baker?" was a question that started some fairly interesting conversations.

Suffice it to say, while I don't play it much anymore, Counterstrike still holds a very soft spot in my heart. So when my cousin turns to me this vacation and tells me there's "this Counterstrike frag video" I have to see, I gave it a look. Not since a particular TF2 video (hint: THE AWESOME ONE (hint hint: MASS AI (while (true)))) have I awed at a video this hard.

While I suspect some aimbotting was done to make the video - noone's THIS accurate in CS - the editing and music and sheer awesomeness of the video more than compensate. This one's turned up to 11.

ahhh, I love programming humor. If (user = "gets it"){Do (laugh);} else{break;}

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Don'tcha know

I'm not dead. Yet. Sorry for the delay. My vacation to New Hampshire was amazing, though it did leave a blog-sized void in my life that I hope now to fill.

For those unfamiliar with American politics - and I don't blame you if you're not, it's like a bad soap opera, except real - Sarah Palin, the recent Vice Presidential candidate in our last elections, had resigned from her governorship in Alaska some time ago with aspirations of running for some greater office. Now, say what you will about her platforms, but the prospect of this scares me. She's about as qualified for the presidency as I am to go outside and fly an F-15 bomber. We'll both crash and burn spectacularly, but I'm likely to create fewer casualties.

Unknown to me, she gave a resignation speech that was described by some as "rambling and sometimes confusing". Normally this would be non-noteworthy, but the great Conan O'Brien had seen the truth in her speech. He posits that it was not really a speech at all, but rather a very beautiful and image-laden poem.

And of course to "awesome it up", like Conan's apt to do, he had none other than William Shatner read the poem. It's like his infamous Rocketman reading, except real (and therefore more inherently sad).

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I have no idea what's going on

No, seriously. I have no idea what's going on in this video. Is he made of rubber? Does he have a detachable jaw? How did he find out he could do this in the first place? Did he train? If so, why? Is this ability useful for eating? Has he ever accidentally swallowed a child?

My mind is bork pondering these unponderables.

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The best kind of trolling EVER

I believe that comedy is one of the most difficulty things to master. Everyone has different styles, tastes, backgrounds, predispositions etc etc etc that make us all the unique snowflakes that we are. So it follows that no two senses of humor are the same.

I've written essays and papers on this subject, most recently in my MBA application process. Comedy is something I'm passionate about. Why? Because I also believe there's no greater emotional high than when people share a good laugh together.

So how does this relate to trolling? The below video is of a guy who goes into webcam chatrooms in a bear suits and simply dances around. It's absurd and ridiculous - not demeaning or infuriating like most trolling is - and you can't help but laugh, not at, but with this guy. It's simply sublime.

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Awesome trick shot video is awesome

Basketball was one of my favorite sports growing up. I'd spend hours upon hours shooting hoops on my hugely uneven driveway. Depending on the side of the driveway, you'd be up or down a foot in elevation. But I didn't care - when I had a basketball in my hands, life was good.

No matter how much I would ever practice, I don't think I could ever hope to be as good as this guy. Bruce Manley shows off some trick shots that border on the supernatural. I can't imagine how much time was spent practicing and putting together this footage.

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You Laugh, You Lose (At Life)

This is wrong. But I'll be damned if it didn't make me laugh.

It's a little known history fact that Hitler was actually a very promising singer when he was a young Austrian boy. His soulful style and delivery were well ahead of his time. It's unfortunate, then, that he gave up that career so early in life to go on and be a car salesman. He was a car salesman, right? I never paid attention in history class...

Anyway, at one of the dealership conventions, he was picked to entertain the crowd. Deciding to test the old pipes, he delivered a tune so moving, historians decided to put it up on YouTube for preservation:

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Star Trek on Acid

I had always suspected that the cast of Star Trek was doing some kind of hallucinogen when they did half the crazy stunts they pulled. Heck, I'm pretty sure they just invented some laws of physics. You know, Picard's first law of plot holery or something like that.

This video represents what I believe is the Enterprise's "down time". Enjoy!

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A Cappella Makes Anything Better

I'm going to let you in behind the curtain a little bit. I hate posting back-to-back YouTube videos on The Unwind, especially when said videos are the crux of the post. This is because I really feel like I starve the writer in me. Practicing my writing and expressing my own ideas was half the reason I started this blog.

That said, I can't ignore the awesomeness that is "On a Boat" done a cappella. A bunch of plucky youngsters from UC Santa Cruz sought to take one of the more ridiculous (and hysterical) SNL music videos, and totally take it up a few notches. These kids don't even need a boat to rock like they're on one.

Consider your day made.

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Today is Unintentional Homoerotic Euphemism Day

Yes, today is Unintentional Homoerotic Euphemism Day. You didn't know? Better get on the horn, reach out to a friend and get an earful of hot, sweaty knowledge because it is.

To celebrate Unintentional Homoerotic Euphemism Day I present to you "Carrot Highway", a unintentionally hilarious kids video all about one of nature's most phallic vegetables. I wonder if this was a low point in the careers of our hosts "NIGEL!", "CASSIDY!", and "Tom Gorman". As a bonus, after the video's sanity-eroding song you're treated to a monologue by an animated carrot cowboy.

I can't believe I just typed that last sentence.

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Ramblings of a late man

What first started as a self-imposed deadline to write on this blog has, much later, developed into a habit. I have a predisposition to not break habits, both to my benefit and detriment, so I'm moderately upset I couldn't get to this as normal. Sadly, events have conspired to make this update late - some legit, some the direct result of TF2's awesomeness when shared with friends.

First, the shameless plug stuff:

• There's been a new Fair Use Law episode up for a few days now. If you haven't already done so, check it out. You'll hear my voice. We have that kind of technology now!
  
• Steadily doing more work for Top Cultured. Some new Who Ya Got articles are up (Urkel vs. Screech, Jolly Green Giant vs. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man), and I have a few others currently in the works. I'll sound the alarms once published.

Returning to TF2, it's taken the lion's share of my video game time once again. There's just something about the new release that has really drawn me back. Whether it's the new maps, the seventy billion tweaks Valve's made to really balance the game, the fun new unlockables, or the multitude of flammable flammable spies running around, I'm hooked again.

The only disappointment with the new unlockables is the Dead Ringer. I love it's concept and I want to use it - you get a non-lethal hit and you instantly cloak, with your opponent thinking he actually killed you. What's I think is missing is a way for the Spy to cloak without taking damage. Even if it's super gimped, and drains 2x as fast as when not taking damage, it would greatly improve the item's usefulness. As is, the Dead Ringer leaves the spy no way of infiltrating enemy lines except acting like an obvious spy.

This scan-and-color pen is ridiculously cool. You have it touch a color you want to replicate, and it mixes the different inks it has to then write in that color. Is there a photoshop equivalent of this? I don't know, being a digital art novice, but I would really enjoy something like this when making my shoops.

And lastly this video, as the name implies, does not stop being funny - even after 100 viewings!


Regularly scheduled updates to follow!

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Leonard Nimoy's Seaman Is All Over This Post

For those of you who don't (or won't) remember a time when Sega was still in the video game console business, the Dreamcast was a college student's dream. It was well ahead of its time in terms of graphics and hardware, a fairly good library of games to choose from, and cool little virtual memory units that acted like little Game Boys. I still have fond memories of my machine.
One "game", quotes indicating a loose application of the term, that really stood out was called Seaman. Essentially a pet simulator gone wrong, you have to hatch, raise and care for you half-man, half-fish abomination.

Caution: Your mind's about to be blown
And while the premise itself was fairly intriguing, how you interacted with your sin against God was particularly awesome: a microphone. Yes, packaged with every Seaman game was a microphone attachment you would use to literally give your Seaman commands. The controller was used primarily to drop food into the tank and to tap the glass, but once you had Seaman's attention it was all voice commanded.

The freakiest thing is, after a while, it started to talk back to you. And have emotions and feelings and hopes and dreams. At least I think so, I never played it long enough to watch it graduate from Seaman college. Come to think of it, Seaman college may not even be real. But they did develop personalities.

Mine were always bastards.

The challenge of the game was that you really had no idea what you needed to do to evolve and raise these Seaman. You had a microphone and a tank. To help you with this was narration by, no lie, Leonard Freaking Nimoy. His soothing voice overs are seconded only by Morgan Freeman's, and they were like the rich, chewy exterior in the caramel apple that is this game. My only wish was that he had more narration, if only to tell me what to do with the tank. I really had no clue most of the time.

To give you an idea of the gameplay:


I'm not a fan of any kind of simulator genre, particularly because I like to escape reality with my video games. If I wanted to learn a flight simulator, I'd rather learn to fly. If I wanted to tend a virtual pet, I'd just get a real pet. But Seaman was novel enough for me to overcome, and I'm really glad I did. Seaman is an interesting experience, one I wholly recommend to anyone who can find and assemble the necessary Dreamcast equipment to play it (particularly the microphone).

Just don't raise your Seamen to be bastards.

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Post-its are the Twitter of the analog world

I'm a huge fan of well-made, creative stop motion. It's no secret. And if it was, I just ruined it. Are you happy now?

No? Well, this video probably will make you so. It's called "Deadline", and it uses post-it notes to create pixel-esque animation. This is one of the most ingenious, most clever videos I've seen in a while, complete with a really catchy Royksopp track (that I'm unfamiliar with, but is awesome anyway). Enjoy!

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Every class is different

Have kids? Love TF2? Do you want to read your kids a bedtime story AND teach them about TF2 all at the same time? Or maybe you didn't like this awkward, rapid-fire question set-up and would just like to see a hilariously well done TF2 video?

It's "Every class is different" - a TF2 children's book, as read by the Spy.

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Flipping Out (literally)

This video is by no means new, especially when held to the universal "internet time" standard (2 hour shelf life before it becomes old). I don't care. I'm going to start your week off right, with 2 scoops of awesomeness. If this video inspires you to be even a fraction as awesome as Damien Walters is, I guarantee you this'll be the best week of your life.

Now go forth, and be awesome.

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Gamer

Thanks to the very awesome Scott Ramsoomair (via his recent tweet), I was turned onto Gamer, a movie coming out later this year.

I don't care if it ultimately sucks, it looks like awesome campy fun. Think Running Man meets Halo. And honestly, who wouldn't want to play a video game where you get to control a live person in armed combat? Ok, maybe not an actual person, but imagine if we had that level of detail and control with our next gen video games?

Also, Michael C. Hall is in it, and he looks to be the type of sadistic, murderous control freak persona he's perfected in Dexter. Only this time, he's the bad guy. That alone should be worth the price of admission (or at least a rental).

Trailer!

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DAMN YOU, JAPAN!

Good job, Japan. You've outdone even yourself. Give them credit, they are incredibly efficient at making brain synapses start moshing against one another and then shut off completely.

This hopefully Japanese exclusive WiiWare game is all about... well, I don't know exactly. You'll have to draw your own conclusions with the below video. It's full of OH GOD MY EYES!

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Surprise Spy update!

Valve, in true creative fashion, dropped the bomb that the upcoming Sniper pack soon to be released is instead a Spy pack. Turns out the Sniper really was a Spy. With the news, we get word of two new unlockables, the Dead Ringer and the Cloak and Dagger.

With the Dead Ringer equipped, when you take a non-lethal shot, you immediately cloak for up to 8 seconds and leave a corpse behind. The amount of confusion and insanity this thing can leave is going to be nuts. Now, even when you identify and shoot at a Spy, you can't be so sure you actually killed him, leaving you even more paranoid and confused. On a server with friendly fire on, this is going to be absolute mayhem.

The Cloak and Dagger is a new cloaking device that will allow you to be cloaked indefinitely provided you aren't moving. In fact, that's the only way the device will recharge, is to stand still. It's a trade-off, but a fair one - it's a better cloaking device, but if you want it to recharge, you have to effectively take yourself out of the game for a few seconds.

And not only did Valve see fit to surprise-release a pack for my favorite class, but they also put out a new "Meet The" video, "Meet the Spy". It's hilarious, fitting, and embedded just below this sentence.



If I didn't know any better, I'd say Valve was trying to get into my pants. I can't wait for the Spy update.

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