A Strong Case Against Intelligent Life In Space

No, I'm not making any scientific claims here. I'm referring to Moonbase Alpha, a online NASA simulator in which you work as part of a team of astronauts on the moon. And, like anything made with good intentions, when you set it loose upon the internet it necessarily devolves into stupidity. Awesome, hilarious stupidity.

While I haven't played the game myself, it looks fairly straight forward: work together to complete science-y type tasks in a simulated - and visually stunning - moon environment. You can pilot vehicles and interact with Communication between astronauts is done using a chat which is then spoken aloud in what I believe is Stephen Hawking's voice box. It may not seem like it, but it's a recipe for unintentional comedy gold.

I think the funniest part of the video is not what goes on in the game, but rather what I imagine what ground control must be thinking when they realize the crew they sent up there. Do they regret sending up a crew that is completely unresponsive to orders? Did they realize the crew had a collective IQ of 80 before sending them up? Is ground control worried that the crew, at any point, are just as likely to take off their helmet than they are to fix whatever needs fixing? Are they secretly hoping the astronauts take off their helmets?

I wanna know who's getting fired for letting this happen.

Video might be NSFW for Stephen Hawking sounding like he has Tourettes.

Drop it like it low grav.

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April Fool's Day, crusher of dreams

The internet has always been a scary, yet wonderful place. This only gets amplified on April Fool's Day. Of course, you always see or hear a few elaborate pranks that really amaze. But there are other pranks, ones that are played on you, the internet surfer, that I feel are truly malicious.

At first glance, many of these pranks seem real. You might even want to take them at face value because you desperately want it to be true. But then, at the moment where you've truly become excited or interested in something, your hopes come crashing down on you:

• Such was the case with the "announcement" of a new class in Diablo 3, the Archivist. I'm hungry for any details, Blizzard, why do you do this to me? The description they have is tongue-in-cheek, and the videos are of some variant of Deckard Cain feebly hobbling through levels. Stay (there) awhile and listen.
  
• Valve possibly teased at what the next class due up for a weapons pack might be (the Sniper), but did so in a way that calls into question it's validity. Jarate? Throwing jars of urine on your opponents? Come on, Valve, this isn't South Park for the N64...
  
• And lastly, when I first saw this, part of me kinda wanted a USB Pet Rock. But then I realized it was a prank and that I already have better technology sitting outside my front door (those rocks are wifi).

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Master the Internet

Surfing the youtubes, I came across a hilariously bad commercial for an internet teaching system. I have to believe, for the sake of my faith in humanity, that this was created purely as a joke. Thankfully, many indications seem to support this view (the funny or die logo in the bottom right, the 555-xxxx number), but I also know that sometimes there is no limit to human stupidity.

Regardless, this is good for some lulz. Find out how you too can master the internet and find your way to "technology heaven":

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Internet Citizenship-ery

Saw a couple of sage words by the inimitable Stephen Fry, regarding his general thoughts of most things technological. One such blurb that really got me thinking was the idea that the internet is a city. He makes, I think, a fair claim that there are many wonders and attractions, useful information, and even seedy areas that mirror the way a city is laid out.

While he goes on further about how this city should and shouldn't be used, my mind was fixed on the virtual city idea itself. If we all live part-time in this virtual city, then aren't we inherently citizens of it?

And if we're citizens, what does that mean? Certainly, the rules here in the internet are a little more lax than those in the real world - pants, for example, are not a requirement to interact with others on the internet. But is there a base set of rules or an inherent code of conduct (law?) that we're observing? Or is this still largely an untamed frontier?

Truth is, I don't think there's an easy answer to that question, nor should there be. Depending on which corner of the internet you're residing in, what is "appropriate behavior" varies greatly. This only really becomes an issue when you try to merge one set of behavior expectations with another radically different set; like if I decided to use Wikipedia the same way I would Twitter, or when one's college drinking photos out on Facebook get found by real-life professional colleagues (none of me, but I've heard horror stories...).

I think the internet has become, more than anything, a tool to express oneself. This doesn't mean you need to be actively expressive, simply going to the sites that interest you is a form of expression (as captured in traffic hits, which in turn typically means advertising revenue for the visited sites). But from what I can tell, this expression is the one inalienable right we as citizens of the internet are afforded.

And it's one I'm increasingly appreciating.

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More Tay Zonday than you can handle

Poking around YouTube, as I am wont to do, I noticed that I was recommended not one, but two Tay Zonday (of "Chocolate Rain" fame) videos. Now I've never put much stock into YouTube's recommendations for me because for some reason it keeps recommending me videos that in languages I don't understand, but I decided to give these videos a whirl.

I was not disappointed.

First, Tay apparently signed a deal with Dr. Pepper to promote Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper. So, as is the logical conclusion, Tay creates "Cherry Chocolate Rain". He changes the lyrics to talk about some former love of his or something, but the real comedy gold here is the video itself. It's an amazingly high-production, rap-style video chock full of unintentional humor.



Second, Tay sings... well, let's just say Tay's video is conclusive proof that the internet is starting to implode. I haven't done the science to determine exactly when or how, but all signs point to its inevitability. That, or Skynet.

Yes, it's one classic internet meme merging with another classic internet meme ("classic" in internet time, it should be noted, is anything 6 months old or older). Observe:

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The internet on hard mode

This will help.The below is a link to really screw with your browser. It starts you off at Google's homepage, but your screen is shaking it left and right constantly. Browse like you would normally... it renders most everything perfectly, though I do know it can't handle flash video and doesn't play nice with YouTube.

http://thedisagreeinginternet.com/

Get ready for headaches and eyestrain! Well, more headaches and eyestrain than usual, at least. This is the internet on hard mode.

From a technical perspective, I'm really curious how this was created. I have no idea how to get the browser to shake like that, and I wonder if you could get it to do any other tricks. Like move in random directions, or map it to mouse movement (how cool would that be?).

Also, the browser's url and titles are hijacked and never change. Yet every page I visit acts like it would (except for the flash video/youtube issue mentioned above)... even when I go to look at the source code of some really simple pages like has the large hadron collider destroyed the world yet show that the title of the page shouldn't be "the disagreeing internet".

Looking at the page source code and spending about 15 minutes of searching online haven't yielded any insight. Anyone out there have an idea?

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INTERNET ENTRANCE

Click for a high-res version of the internet's entrance

Dear sweet God, I've found the mother load: the physical entrance to the internet. Through my exhaustive research, and my happening to pass a local car dealership in Bristol, CT, I've finally located it. Armed only with my wits and some Jolt Cola, I'm going to head in later and report back on how it goes.

However, it's late and I'm pretty sure the entrance is closed. That means that this will be, oddly enough, the second time in my life I'll be accessing the internet with a brick.

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The creepiest website you'll see today

I found a website the other day that is really difficult to explain. It contains nothing profane, graphic or offensive, so it's definitely safe for work. It's just... well, it's really creepy. But funny. Take a look:

Manbabies.com

Oh sure, I could go ahead and tell you that it's just a bunch of pictures with a father and his baby, only the baby's head has been photoshopped onto the father and vice versa, but that really doesn't capture the subtle and nuanced "WTF?!?" that will wash over you as you're looking at them. Honestly, the most unsettling thing about the site is that someone is committed to bringing new content to it 5 times a week.

In conclusion, I'm adding it to the Odd Squad on the right hand side for easy navigation with a big seal of approval. I wish I had thought of the idea first, especially since it would have been a great idea for practicing my photoshop skills.

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