Kids need more moral fiber to keep their morals regular

A hot-button issue for me in this coming presidential campaign is the decline in morals and virtues among children these days. The news is rife with school shootings, teen pregnancy, and drug abuse. The news scares me, and I want someone make the bad stories disappear. So far, neither candidate has proposed anything in their platforms that will do that.

What I want to see is one of the candidates make sweeping reforms of the schools. Specifically, I want a Wheel of Morality installed in every school:

That way, kids would be dispensed random life lessons necessary for proper moral development. I'm talking lessons like:

• People in glass houses should get dressed with the lights out.
• Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
• If you can't say something nice you're probably at the Ice Capades.
• Never ask what hot dogs are made of.

I'm not going to explain why, because it's pretty self-explanatory, but this is exactly what kids need and I believe will help get America back on track. If any candidate can promise me a Wheel of Morality in every public school, they will have my vote.