Snatch Wars

I've been a little bit of a Star Wars kick lately. So when I came across this video, I nearly died laughing. Who would have thought combining Brick Top's lines with Darth Vader would produce such sublime comedy?

Enjoy some Good Friday goodness, and have a Happy Easter, everyone! You know, if that's your thing...

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Star Wars Minis

I've resisted to almost a fanatical, zealot-like level anything that smells like Dungeons and Dragons for most of my entire life. It's not that I don't respect the game, or the people that play it, I just have fundamental differences with the system itself. I know part of it has to do with my objection to having a human (susceptible to all of man's motivations and flaws) be the supposed objective dictator of a game.

But the biggest issue I have with it is the dice rolling. I hate dice rolling. Hate it hate it hate it. It introduces an element of randomness that has never seemed to click with me. After all, most tabletop games, even many video games (think %hit in Diablo) all require some kind of randomness to make the game enjoyable. But in many such cases, the randomness is streamlined or handled behind the scenes and you're left to focus on a fun - if challenging - gaming experience. The die, to me, just serves as a physical reminder of how little control you have over things despite any preparation or forethought you put into your actions.

Why do I ramble on about this? Because I think I've found a game with some of these elements that I've grown rather fond of: Star Wars Miniatures.

While the rules are a little complex to comprehend at first, once you get the hang of it you're left with a relatively simple, yet maddeningly deep, gameplay that requires good squad building, good field tactics, and yes even a little luck to win.

The characters span the entire Star Wars timeline, and you build a squad within one of 9 different factions: Old Republic, Republic, New Republic, Rebel, Sith, Mandalorian, Imperial, Separatist, and Yuuzhang Vong. There are "fringe" pieces that can be added to any faction. Each piece has a point cost, and squads are built to meet a certain point limit. Better characters, like Darth Vader, typically cost more points than weaker characters, like a plain old Stormtrooper. After that, you play the pieces on a game map and fight it out.

And come on... this is Star Wars here. I'm no fanboy, but what man honestly didn't love the movies? Well, episodes 4, 5 and 6 anyway...

The game plays like a cross between Magic: The Gathering and D&D - while only retaining the best of both. Building a good squad is key and requires much of the same thinking needed in building decks for any collectible card game. You try to combine pieces together in a squad in such a way that it maximizes the strengths, while balancing out the weaknesses.

Dice rolling does happen a lot over the course of a game. However, the impact of the randomness is severely lessened by the sheer depth of the game mechanics:

• Commanders have effects that help boost the odds and probabilities of a favorable outcome.
• Force users have the ability to actually re-roll a die they're not happy with (by using some of their Force).
• Even tactically, certain matchups naturally favor one side or the other; Jedis, while generally fantastic in melee combat, can't shoot and can have a tough time getting across the map if a squad of good shooters is gunning them down.

Though I've only scratched the surface of it, with this depth you really do get the sense that if the win/lose outcome of a game comes down to a long-odds dice roll, your squad was either outmatched from the start, or you played a solid hand badly.

Great game, and a lot of fun.

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Star Wars has been ruined forever

Imagine if you will that Admiral Ackbar, who sounds suspiciously a lot like Nixon, had his own day time television show. For those that can't (or don't want to) imagine, College Humor has done you a solid and created just such an animation for your viewing pleasure.

It's like the Jerry Springer show was set in the Star Wars universe. It's got Force-thrown couches, paternity tests and ewok humping. Needless to say, this is NSFW.

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Use the (mass * acceleration), Luke

I had caught the end of the first Star Wars movie (Episode IV, the first good one) today on Spike. You know what really bothered me, after having seen it again? In the trench run, when the rebels are trying to blow up the Death Star... how come no one has lasers on the back of their fighter ships?

You'd only need one to give yourself cover from the people tailing you:

BAM! No more Vader on your ass.
I'm not a physics major, and I'm just an average Star Wars fan with little to no knowledge of the Star Wars universe outside the movies. But I think I know enough of the two to wonder why the heck they've never thought of it before.

With fighter jets on a planet with atmosphere, like (off the top of my head) Earth, it doesn't make sense to have weaponry in the rear. A fighter jet has a limited amount of ammo they can take up in the air (weight restriction). Also, it's entirely plausible that firing weapons backwards will screw up with a plane's aerodynamics and send it out of control and crashing (a bad thing).

But this is a battle in space. Weight is a non-issue, and there are no aerodynamics to speak of. And since they're using lasers, presumably ammo isn't even an issue.

So with weight and aerodynamics ruled out, all that's left is for the pilot to correctly aim behind him while flying forward. That would be pretty difficult, if not impossible, for a person to do. But the rebels were using droid co-pilots. How hard would it have been for Luke to just say "Hey R2, I'm gonna concentrate on blowing up the Death Star... you go 'pew! pew! pew!' behind me. And take care of Vader for me while you're at it."?

They can create planet destroyers and hyperdrives, but the concept of firing behind them in a space dog fight still eludes them.

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Photoshop Flailing: Fun with Busey

I've been tooling around with Photoshop for a few days now and trying to get acclimated to the tool. I had Gary Busey on the brain and decided to see exactly where that idea could take me. I originally had grand plans to have a huge collection, but it turned out since I wasn't familiar with the tool, each one took me much longer than it probably should have.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that these may suck. They may be an affront to your visual cortex. But that pain you're feeling in your brain? That's progress, my friend, and it can only get better. Also, these made me chuckle.

First up, Darth Busey:

All hail Darth Busey!


Gary Busey in his titular role in the move Alien Vs. Predator:


I swear to God, I'm going to have a nightmare about this.

And finally, in a role I'm genuinely surprised he wasn't considered for, King Busey Leonidas defending Sparta:



"Madness? THIS IS BUSEY!"

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