Undead diving elbow drops for eveyone!

There is no apocalypse more scary to me and more likely to happen than the zombie apocalypse. The scariest of all possible zombie apocalypse is some kind of super virus turning everyone into Macho Man Randy Savage, in which 5-6 billion people begin mindlessly calling out Hulk Hogan and snapping into Slim Jims.

Don't believe me? Check out this mod of Left 4 Dead, where all zombies' voices are replaced with the Macho Man's:

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The best laid (zombie) plans...

Left 4 Dead: guaranteed to make you scream like a little girl.

Courtesy of Tom Francis.

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Left 4 Dead is Left 4 Awesome

Left 4 Dead is out, and it is without a doubt unbelievably cool. The premise of the game is that you are one of a group of 4 survivors and you're trying to survive one of the 4 campaigns that you are on. Each campaign plays out just like a zombie movie would, from the artwork right down to the campy dialogue between characters. Heck, the whole experience is like playing in a zombie movie, complete with movie credit-style statistics at the end of the campaign.

As you go through, you have to fight hordes upon hordes of zombies. On top of those there are several "boss infected", upgraded zombies with additional abilities. These include:

• Hunters - Zombies with the ability to jump long distances and pin down a survivor (and wail on him)
• Smokers - Zombies with really long tongues that can be used to snare and drag away a survivor.
• Boomers - Fat zombies with the ability to vomit goo on survivors. If vomited on, more hordes of regular zombies are attracted. Also, boomers explode when they take even the smallest amount of damage but spray goo everywhere in their explosion, giving them another chance to spray the survivors. I hate these guys.
• Tanks - The zombie equivalent of the incredible hulk. Holy crap are these guys scary.
• Witches - These crying abominations will remain stationary and leave you alone so long as you don't startle it. DON'T STARTLE IT. If you do, you've just forfeited your life. No joke.

Boomers. They always seem to somehow slime me and no one else. Not cool.
This game is insanely fun. There is an AI "Director" that changes up where things are located every time you play. Weapons, ammo and health packs are never in the same places. Zombie hordes are randomly sent on you and boss infected can spring up anywhere in any combination.

That, and you do this cooperatively - ideally with friends. You cannot win on your own in this game and you need to stay together with your team in order to survive.

I haven't even started playing the versus, where you have humans playing as the boss infected, but already I've had 2 moments that I had to take a step back and appreciate the awesomeness.

The first one, we had to lift a platform that we knew would attract a zombie horde. The only place we had to retreat to at this point had a witch (that we had previously snuck around). So we decide to hole up in a nearby gas station to give us some protection. Little did we realize that some of errant bullets were hitting the gas pumps, and the whole gas station exploded on us, killing 3 of the team. Top that with the fact that a boomer and hunter were harassing the lone survivor... I was shouting newer and more interesting profanities than I think I ever had before.

Secondly, we're in a hospital looking to use the elevator to get to the roof (to be rescued). We hit the call button on the elevator. Suddenly, a tank bursts through a wall Kool-aid man style right next to me. He proceeds to beat the crap out of me as I try really hard not to soil myself from the scare I just got. It was awesome.

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5 (not so) helpful tips for playing Left 4 Dead

Valve's new highly-anticipated action/horror zombie fest, Left 4 Dead, releases November 18th. Essentially, zombies have run amok and it's up to you and 3 other people (or bots) to survive. Once the demo releases - tomorrow for those of you who preordered - we'll have a much better idea of how this actually plays out.

Nonetheless, I've compiled a list of tips ahead of time that are sure to be helpful to you.

1 - Get in the mood.

This is a zombie co-op survival game. What better way to enhance your playing experience than to listen to Thriller? In fact, go ahead and share the love with your teammates and mic blast the song as loudly as possible. They'll really appreciate it and thank you for being so thoughtful and considerate.

Actual in-game footage
2 - Find alternative means of conflict resolution

Any idiot can point a gun at the enemy, shoot and kill him. This is usually a poor means of conflict resolution as it leaves someone dead, and yet this seems to be the preferred method in Left 4 Dead.

Instead, try talking things over with your aggressors, and see things from their point of view. Don't be scared if they start to gnaw at your flesh - that's just their way of saying hello. I'm sure, with a little understanding and conversation, you'll realize that these aren't hordes of zombies out to get you, but hordes of people who really need a hug.


Somebody needs a hug!
3 - Communication is key. Always let teammates know exactly where you are

Left 4 Dead is a cooperative survival game, and that means you and your teammates need to know exactly where you are at all times. Fire your gun wildly into the air often. Remember, you'll be finding better ways of resolving differences with the living impaired so you'll have less of a need for ammo anyway.

With the sounds of errant gunshots, teammates and anyone else within a several block radius will be constantly alerted to where you are.


"Guys! I'm over here!"
4 - Improve the realism of the game and never use health packs

From reading others' impressions of the game, there are health packs available to heal up as you fight on through. These are the coward's way out, and by not using them you're better simulating what a real zombie apocalypse would be like.

And if you find your teammates using them, you need to take the initiative and hoard them. By taking them, you're removing any temptation and forcibly improving the realism of their experience. In the end, they'll thank you for that.


Not pictured: health packs. Because they're lame.
5 - Zombie check your teammates often

I don't know how many times I've played a game where I've turned a back on what I thought was a teammate only to find he was really on the other team. The fact that the enemies are zombies only up the ante on this. Ordinary zombies are one thing (you'll still want to hug it out), but zombies with guns are crap-your-pants scary and downright dangerous.

Fire rounds occasionally at teammates to be sure they're still on your team. If they start getting angry and cursing you, you can be sure that they're on your side. It may put a temporary strain on things, but you're looking out for the team on this one. It's for the greater good.


See? You can never be too sure.

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