Shotgun Content 7

Click, click, pull:

• Lately, the Konami Code has been sweeping the internet. Several sites now have Easter eggs and/or additional functionality built into them simply by entering the Konami code into them. There's a whole list of them over at http://www.konamicodesites.com/
  
  I would love to be able to Konami Code-enable something here on The Unwind, but I don't know what, and don't immediately have the programming expertise to do it. I can work on the coding, any suggestions on what that Easter egg should be, readers?
  
  
• Random thought: How can successful emo bands still be all Angsty McLiveJournal after they've hit it big? If I were them, I'd go all Scrooge McDuck swimming in my large sums of money and when I'm bored with that have sex until I pass out with any number of beautiful women throwing themselves at me. Simply because I could. How are they not all sunshine and puppies at this point?
  
  
• TF2 64. It needs to be done.
  
  
• I did a few photoshops for Cracked.com, but never strung enough together to make any coherent theme of it here. Soooo, here:

Theme: Famous Pictures Without Pants



Theme: If Microsoft Ruled the World

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The US housing market crisis: A summary

About a week ago, while perusing the oft-interesting and irrefutably-titled This is a Blog, a challenge was laid to take a current event and put it into humorous picture squares. Or comics. Whichever term you prefer.

The point is I did one. And since I've been brought up to believe that sharing is good, here's my take on one of the many underlying reasons why the US housing market has tanked (what started this whole horrible economic mess we're in today):

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Photoshop Flailing: What famous movie characters are up to these days

This week's Cracked.com photoshop contest asked readers what famous movie characters are doing today. I was happy to oblige, and was able to come up with the following. Click any of them for a higher res version.

This was the role Anakin Skywalker was born to play!

Wait until you hear him sing "It's a Hard Knock Life"!

Once a pirate, always a pirate they say.


Though sad that this form of piracy lacks the adventure of the good old days, Jack is warmed to the fact that he has access to limitless porn.

And lastly, I was thinking really hard on how I wanted to use Robocop in a photoshop. Suddenly, the answer dawned upon me like a zen master coming to enlightenment:


The only reason Robocop hasn't joined Daft Punk is because scientists are worried that the universe would then implode on its own awesomeness.

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Photoshop Flailing: Fun with Chuck Schumer

I was turned onto an article by my one of my friends over on Twitter, that had an unintentionally humorous photograph of Sen. Chuck Schumer. The article can be found:

http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/dailypolitics/2009/03/schumer-flips-on-gay-marriage.html

So I thought it to be my civic duty and mess around with the photo - take a look below at what I came up with. Click on any of the images for a higher res version.

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Photoshop Flailing: When Superpowers Go Wrong

This evening, I was playing around with Photoshop again - something I hadn't done in a while. The Cracked.com photoshop contest seemed interesting enough, and I used the opportunity to photoshop "When Superpowers Go Wrong". Click on any of the below for the higher-res version.

I think the Juggernaut qualifies for the HOV lane by himself:

The new 2010 Toyota Juggernaut mid-sized sedan
When Multiple Man needs to use the restroom, how does he determine who goes first?

The answer to this riddle is known only to Zen masters. And Multiple Man.
This is footage they show in Superhero education classes.

Remember: Obey all posted speed limits, and please don't drink and run at supersonic speeds.
This picture I actually didn't submit, as it turned out someone else beat me to the punch with the idea. But I like the way it came out nonetheless.

"Okay, can you read from the line you didn't obliterate?"

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The Pen IS Mightier...

This evening I was trying to do something productive with my new Bamboo tablet. You know, to kick the tires. I decided to use this week's Cracked.com Photoshop contest to see how it impacts my ability to use Photoshop. The theme of the contest was "Everyday objects as designed by M.C. Escher".

I have to say, working with a tablet is immensely less frustrating than the mouse. Granted, I'm still a relative novice at Photoshop, but the control and flexibility of having a pen on a surface was liberating. I dare say it was fun to be able to add so many little details to an image so quickly - details that would otherwise be a chore. Touch-ups, surgical erasings of layer parts, extractions, even layer manipulation just felt natural, allowing me to accomplish in seconds what used to take minutes.

One thing I still need to get used to is the tablet pen itself. It comes with 2 buttons on the pen, right at the level where I keep my thumb. If I'm not careful, my grip (which I find changes as I write) will accidentially hit one of them and screw up what I'm doing at a given moment. This is more of a minor setback than anything, and one I'm confident I'll avoid entirely with more practice.

While this was only a dry run, I'm really happy with the tablet and expect to use it more in the future. The resultant image of this dry run:

Yo dawg, we heard you like Swiss Army Knives...

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Shotgun Content 5

Every so often, I have some things I'd like to post here at The Unwind, but can't really justify making a whole post out of any of them.

• An old friend of mine, "Danger" Dan Robinson, and I are starting a podcast call Fair Use Law. We're still working out when we're going to actually start it (with Thanksgiving coming up and all), but it should be a weekly podcast of everything and nothing all at once. It's essentially doing what we always do, only we'll have a microphone in front of us recording it.
  
  More details to follow, but to give you some insight into my future colleague, here's the intro theme to it that he wrote and created. It's delightfully whacked-out, and I wholly approve:
  
  http://www.carlandsons.com/fairuselawtheme.mp3



• Steam has been a huge pain in my butt today. After I updated my client, I've had issues logging in all day that are still unresolved. I need to kill me some zombies, Valve.



• From the "why the hell can I not look away" files, I wanted to share MiniKiss, which I originally found out seeing them in a random sports bar some time back with friends. MiniKiss is a coverband of Kiss... played by dwarves.
  
  Yes, it's all the Kiss hits you've come to know and love - like "Rock and Roll all Nite", "Strutter", and "Detroit Rock City" - played by people half the size of the original. We're talking pure, concentrated 80's here.



• Lastly, this week's Cracked.com photoshop content is "creative ways to break bad news". Only really had one idea for it:
  
  

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Photoshop Flailing: Rejected James Bond Gadgets

So I whipped out photoshop once again to participate in this week's Cracked.com photoshop contests. This time, in what I can only assume is in honor of Quantum of Solace's release, we had to photoshop gadgets that didn't quite make the cut for the movies. My entries are below, and can be clicked to get a higher resolution pictures:

Even MI6 has made an attempt to go green, but this is just ridiculous.

Not even Bond can make segways look cool.
Not fit for field use, but useful nonetheless.

"What's this device do Q?"
"It's a travel breathalyzer, James. We think you have a drinking problem."
...and I couldn't resist photoshopping some Team Fortress 2 humor into this.

How Bond got through without being spy checked is beyond me.

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Photoshop Flailing: If famous people got what they deserved

It had been a while since I've played around with Photoshop, so I decided to try my hand at this week's Cracked.com photoshop contest: if famous people got what they deserved. My entries are below.

I would seriously pay good money to see this show.

I'm surprised he hasn't already started doing this.
Dick Clark cannot die.

If he does die, do we turn his body into a giant puppet and keep going?
I honestly had a few more ideas, and may do them later, but the combination of football, work and Fallout 3 had sapped me of any desire to do any others. Also, zombies.

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Photoshop Flailing: Ways to improve the presidential debates

Another week, another cracked.com reader photoshop contest it seems. This week's theme is coming up with ways to improve the presidential debates. My entries are below, but you can find all the other entries here. If some of the resolutions seem funny, click the image for the full view.

Randy and Paula liked his performance, but Simon was a prick as usual.


This is an apt metaphor. People claim to be interested in NASCAR, too, but secretly they're hoping to see some serious wreckage.


LOL.


Diabeetus vs. Puddin' Pops. The ultimate debate.

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Yatta!

I got #4 in the weekly Cracked.com photoshop content. You can see all the selected entries here.

Not only that, it turns out they used mine as a header. A link to the screenshot can be found below:

http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk43/TheUnwind/2008%20-%20October/crackedhomepage.jpg

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Photoshop Flailing: The most awkward moment of all time

These weekly reader submission photoshop contests from Cracked.com are really addicting for two reasons: One, I really want to win one of these... or at least appear as one of the selected entries. Two, they already choose a subject for me to practice and ply my photoshop skill.

You can find all the entries here, but the theme of this week's contest is "the most awkward moment of all time".

This one is awkward because the boom mic guy ruined some otherwise great footage:

"That's one small step for man... one giant- DAMMIT, GARY, GET OUT OF THE SHOT!"

Here, Santa finds himself on the naughty list with Chris Hansen on an episode of "To Catch a Predator".

Have a seat.

With sincerest apologies to Thích Quảng Đức and his ultimate protest, this would be pretty awkward:

She didn't even bring enough to share!

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Photoshop Flailing: How to stay in business after the meltdown

Decided to partake in the weekly reader photo submissions at Cracked.com. They've asked people to come up with ways companies can stay in business after the financial meltdown, and I've been more than happy to oblige.

The way I see it, you can either substitute cheaper goods, thus reducing the cost of your product...

I bet no one will even know the difference.
Offer less services for the same amount of money...

This freaking thing would still cost $500 and be sold out on launch day.
Or make your product even that much more irresistible.

Great, now it's even MORE addictive.

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Photoshop Flailing: Cracked.com and a request

Decided to bust out the ol' Photoshop and whip up a few pictures. My topic was for the weekly Cracked.com reader submission, who wanted to know what it would take for network televisions to increase viewership. My submissions (thusfar) are below, click on any of them for a higher resolution picture.

The obvious way, to me at least, is to get right in front of the viewer:

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

This one is likely to put a smile on your face.


Why so serious?

A reality show based on Keith Richards' life? Sign me up!


In the season finale, we discover he's been dead for 12 years.

And this one isn't for Cracked, but rather my friends over at Traveling Munchies:


Animal Crackers!

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Photoshop Flailing: A little too convenient

Man, has it been a month since I've last touched photoshop for my own education and amusement? Let's rectify that situation pronto. While we're all a fan of modern conveniences, today's menu of photoshops are what would happen if things were a little too convenient.

First, this Mobile Pizza Delivery Vehicle prototype may be a bit over the top; but with it, Pizza Hut can guarantee you your pizza in 30 seconds or less.

It can deliver pizza to every house on a block in 3 seconds.

While I guess it would make sense to put a McDonald's up on top of Everest, that "Billions and Billions served" claim is a bit dubious...


Be sure to take your picture with Ronald while you're up there!

I once clicked on one of these ads, and as a result I woke up in a bed of ice with only one kidney. True story.


Anyone else convinced they're going to see a billboard like this in their lifetime?

This isn't what I remember in the history books, but Walmart's low, low prices are probably what turned the tide against the Nazis.


That rollback smiley face is a true hero.

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Photoshop Flailing: Horatio Caine Comics

Having recently gone on about how awesome Horatio Caine is, I stumbled upon a Horatio Caine comic panel with no words associated with them. So naturally, I had to go and do something about that. The credit goes to Bigger Than Cheeses, who were the ones who drew this up originally, likely with their own punchline.

The blank looks like this:



As you can see, I had some resolution issues with resizing them to fit this blog. But if you click the comics (including the ones after the break), you'll be taken to a much cleaner version.

Click the below link to continue reading past the break.

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Photoshop Flailing: Gurn, Baby, Gurn

Once again, I focus my time and hone in on my photoshopping skills. This time, my muse was a recent post on gurning. I wanted to take a look and see which fictional characters would be natural gurners. While the execution (shopping) may have been less than perfect, the ideas nonetheless startle me. To the shops!

First up is Hannibal Lecter, who is not so much doing a gurn as he is scaring the crap out of me for not being restrained.

Hello, Clarice.
Jack Torrance drank a little too much of the red rum.

HERE'S JOHNNY!
This one is one of the Nazi's from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Whatever you do, don't look directly at it.
And finally, Uncle Fester doing a gurn in his Sunday best.
Creepy AND Kooky.

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