Jul 30, 2009

MMO Pitch Party

FUN FACT: I checked on Urban Dictionary to make sure that a "pitch party" isn't some slang term for something more lewd. I'll get started on the entry.

Pretend you're a Hollywood bigwig. You have a vast portfolio of intellectual properties, consisting primarily of movies, and you want to make more money off it to fuel your uncontrollable habit of hookers and blow. It's now time to cash in on the profitable gaming market.

From what you can tell, this "video game" thing is a gold mine. Why, some game called World of Warcraft has like 8 million something people paying every month to play that game. And they're not even backed by your popular movies! You could probably get 20 million people at least playing your game.

Ok, all horrible assumptions aside, what are we going to turn into a video game?

  • The Shawshank Redemption - Join a particular prison gang and level up by sneaking drugs and other contraband in your ass (I'm sorry, "coin purse"). Shank targets of rival gangs, or try and plan your escape from prison. Either way, immerse yourself in a persistent, (n)ever changing universe complete with gray walls and mandated rec time.

    It's like ol' Red said: get busy grinding, or get busy dying. Or something to that effect.

  • Office Space - Fill out TPS reports and try to one-up your boss. Whatever you do, be sure not to aggro too many co-workers or you'll be forced into a meeting. Equip yourself with the legendary Red Swingline and get ready to fight another instance of the Mondays.

  • Snakes on a Plane - A multiplayer Sim Airplane with snakes and Samuel L. Jackson shouting at you for no real reason.

  • V for Vendetta - This will be the first game to intentionally evolve over time. At the game's launch, players will be able to enact cold-blooded revenge against oppressive authority figures in near-future Britain. All while using an innovative new combat system.

    2 weeks later, 4chan arrives and it all goes to hell. Then you get to crusade against mudkipz and facepalm text macros in Guy Fawkes masks.

  • Momento - This game would actually stick closer to standard MMO conventions, with one exception: there is no linear leveling progression. First you start at level 1. Then you jump up to level 99 (the game's max). Then back to level 2. Then 98. Eventually, you'll stabilize at level 50 and at that point wonder why the hell you played the game so long in the first place. Just like the movie.

  • Slumdog Millionaire - A quiz-show based MMO, only your brother gets shot when you advance to a certain level. Of course, you could just rez him, but that'll cost one of your lifelines.

  • James Bond (any of them) - An MMO in which you assume the role of one of MI-6's top secret agents. Customize your agent with various suits and disguises as you infiltrate terrorist organizations. Collect powerful gadgets and exotic STD's ("epic mounts" earn you double XP) as you try to save the world from yet another near-catastrophe.

  • Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog - You're a evil super villain hell bent on making a name for yourself and challenging the status quo (because the status is definitely not quo). Players can dabble in various skill trees including, but not limited to: internet savvy, evil genius, carrying a tune, and evil laugh.

Sad thing is, though these may make bad MMOs, they're still more appealing to me than the Twilight MMO.

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