Oct 1, 2008

Andrew WK for president

Ladies and Gentlemen, I hereby nominate a new candidate for the presidency. A man with strong convictions. A man of the people. A man who is not afraid to tackle the big issues and has a plan to do so. I nominate, as the presidential candidate of the just-formed PARTY Party, Andrew WK:

America's been sucking pretty hard lately, and Andrew realizes that many Americans are suffering. Wars oversees, the current state of the economy, health care, failing education system, aging infrastructure, and lack of partying are all issues that we as Americans need to address. The American people need a change.

Take a look at his credentials. Andrew WK's singles include:
  • Party Hard
  • It's Time to Party
  • Party Till You Puke
  • Long Live the Party
  • Make Sex

This is a man who knows how to party. Andrew pledges to turn America into one great big party. How will partying help, you ask? In several ways.

For one, America will be a huge party, which will raise our standing on the global stage. We'll gain the reputation for being the cool country. Also, we'll be reaching out more often to other countries - asking for their RSVPs. Everyone will want to be invited, as it'll be the bitchingest party ever.

Also, we can charge a cover to other countries, to pay for the cost of the party and fix the economy. We're thinking, like, $10 bucks for a keg cup at the door. Heck, if only China shows up, our economy will be solved! Of course, we're secretly hoping Sweden shows up so we can make out with her. And failing Sweden, her roommate Ireland will do.

War in Iraq? More like party in Iraq. Heck, I bet even Osama bin Laden (if he's still alive) would travel from Afghanistan to show up to that event. Boom, war's over.

So when you go to vote this November, vote for change. Vote for Sweden make-outs. Vote for Andrew WK.


ed said...

The only way this will work is if his running mate is Eddie Murphy so they can party all the time, party all the time, party all the timmmeeeeeeeee

Jon Baker said...


You've got a gift for politics.