The War On Drugs is Over!

Thanks to Lil' Wayne, and to a less tongue-in-cheek extent The Onion, our war on drugs has come to a complete halt. The solution? Turn him loose on all the world's drugs and have him ingest them all. It was only a matter of time before authorities decided to use celebrities in the war on drugs beyond public service announcements.

The only real question is, why wasn't Keith Richards tapped for this? The man's done so many drugs that his skin has hallucinogenic properties.

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The Kindness of (Former) Strangers

I wrote this for my blogging duties at the BC admissions blog, but I figure I'd share here as well. I am so lucky to be at such an awesome program.

It’s not everyday that you get to see just how great of a community you’ve become a part of. My story begins just yesterday.

Before we begin, here’s a little background you may need to know: I walk to school from Brighton center, a 30 minute walk. I also carry a large backpack and a laptop bag, which conservatively has me trekking along 50 or so pounds of extra stuff. And while the dress code here at BC is business casual, I always make the trip in sneakers (just more comfortable that way).

Yesterday started as any other for me. I woke up reluctantly fighting my alarm clock, took a shower, grabbed some pop-tarts and it was off to school. I was fairly preoccupied thinking about the Economics midterm I had later that day that the time just seemed to fly by. Before I knew it, I was near the BC T-stop, getting ready to cross the street when all of a sudden, I noticed my shoe was coming untied. Fairly annoyed by it, I decided to tie it once and for all when I got across the street. But just I started to bend down to tie my shoe…

“AHHHH!” I shouted loud enough for people within a half-mile radius to hear me. I sprained my back. How could I have not thought to take off my stuff? Ok, time to think. I’m almost at class, let me just see if I can hobble- OW, nope that’s not going to work.

Thankfully, being so close to school, I ran into a few of my classmates. They were gracious enough to take my bags and limp with me for about as far as I could go. This turned out to be a distance of about 50 feet - I was in that much pain. Shortly thereafter came even more aid - another classmate saw us as he was driving and gave us a lift. We were able to drive up to the top floor of a nearby parking garage, thereby greatly shortening our walk to Fulton. With their help, I was able to limp into my seat and got through my IT class where I literally didn’t move in my seat for the next 2 hours.

As soon as class ended, I planned to go see health services. Note I used the word “planned” here because I never even made it out of the classroom. I tried, but after walking a few feet I realized my back had tightened during class and made moving on it even worse. I had to sit back down. Our IT professor, Professor Fichman, then called health services for me and wheeled me in the chair I was sitting to the back of Fulton hall. There, I waited with another one of my classmates for an ambulance that would take me to a hospital (health services knew they couldn’t do anything for me). They stood there with me for 20 minutes in the cold, just to make sure I was ok.

Later, at the hospital, I realized I wasn’t going to make it back in time for my Economics mid-term. Several classmates were willing to tell the professor my situation and see what I could do about making it up. I was even able to speak to the professor afterwards, and he was completely understanding. After my stay at the hospital, yet another classmate came from their mid-term and picked me up to take me home because, by this time, I was on some heavy pain medication and couldn’t get there myself.

I’m the kind of person who hates to feel helpless. My back may still sprained, but I would be far worse off if it weren’t for the concern, the support, and the help of countless classmates and professors. My belief in the strength of the Boston College community has increased tenfold, all from the small acts of kindness from these former strangers.

This is not the pain meds talking when I say that these are some of the absolute best people you could ever hope to surround yourself with.

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Left 4 Rage 2

I'm about to preface this rant with saying, unequivocally, that Left 4 Dead 2 is an excellent game. It is well worth your time and money to go out and buy it, even this soon after L4D was launched, and I've only seen a small fraction of what it has to offer.

The vast amount of new weapons, power ups and boosts make for unique and changing styles of play, not just your shottie/sniper/rifle config of the previous title. New boss infected really change things up, especially when they start working in evil, evil, tandem. And the new, non-stationary trigger events are really the bees knees - no longer do you just turtle-up, you have to go somewhere to end the event.

Again, I haven't seen all this game has yet to offer, but I'm incredibly happy with my purchase and think this is one of the better gaming experiences I could have with friends. The operative phrase there being with friends.

Seeing as all of my friends were either 1) offline, or b) haven't yet purchased the game, I decided to give it a go in the single player campaign. On normal mode. Turns out even on this setting the AI, can still be mind numbingly stupid.

This was me, Coach, the lone beacon of competency and probably the only one of my group that deserved to be saved.
The inherent problem is that the AI takes no initiative. None. 0. You couldn't get them to pick up a $1 million pile of cash sitting on the other side of the room unless you started doing it yourself. To Valve's credit, I didn't even really notice this shortcoming most of the time. I did my thing, my group backed me up. Awesome sauce.

But then, we got to a mall. And in this mall, was a door with a security alarm - a trigger event! In it, once I open the door, it's a mad dash up to the third floor to deactivate the alarm. Until you deactivate it, all of the zombies in the entire state of Louisiana, all of whom just so happen to be in the mall too, keep bum rushing you.

Something in this equation caused my team to go full retard. Valve, you never go full retard. If I could have written out the script for how this went down, it would have gone something like this.

Coach: Ok, guys, when I open this door, we need to get up to the 3rd floor and shut off the alarm. If we don't, we're going to die plain and simple. You guys got it?

All: Got it!

::opens the door::

Coach: Ok, let's get to the escalator!

Ellis: God damn it, I can't hear you, this buzzing is too loud. What about a calculator?

Rochelle: Not calculator, stupid, escalat- OH SHIT, are they having a sale at Victoria's Secret? Hang on, guys, I'll be right back.

Ellis: Actually, hold up, I might have a calculator somewhere in the gear!

Coach: What? No! Guys! Follow me, we have to get going.

Ellis: What would you even need a calculator for in a time like this?

Coach: I DON'T! What I need is some fucking support as we get our asses upstairs.

Ellis: Hang on, lemme ask this guy over here if he has a calculator.

Coach: THAT'S A ZOMBIE ::shoots zombie before Ellis can get to him::

Ellis: Well, now how am I going to ask him about a calculator?

Rochelle: [from a distance] ...Ellis! You got that calculator? I need to know how much I'm spending over here. Budgets and all that.

Coach: GAH! Ok, Nick, you'll help me right? Follow me.

Nick: You got it!

::Nick and Coach walk to the base of the escalator. Coach goes up, but Nick stays at the bottom::

Coach: What the? Nick, get your ass up here!

Nick: But the escalator's not working.

Coach: I know it ain't working, just walk up here!

Nick: Is it safe?

Coach: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IS IT SAFE? If I could get my fat black ass up here, you sure as hell can.

Nick: I dunno... I mean, it isn't running or anything.

Coach: This is the zombie apocalypse, Nick, not Black Friday. Make fucking due. It's just stairs, for chrissakes!

Nick: All the same, I think I'm going to wait for a technician. I would hate to die in something so stupid as an escalator accident.

Ellis: [in the background] My, you guys are the friendliest people I've ever met! Hugs for everyone!

Coach: I can't fucking believe this.

Rochelle: [walking up behind Nick] Hey, Coach, you have any cash on you? I left my wallet at home and I found the nicest little-

Coach: OH FUCK YOU ALL, I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

::Coach gets halfway to the next escalator when a Charger incapacitates him. Coach has only one regret just before dying: that he wasn't able to kill the rest of his team himself::

End.

This might be funny if it didn't play out like this 3 times in a row. First time I ever ragequitted from a single player game before.

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Dear Dr. Ruth...

Rare is the joke or gag or schtick or whatever that makes me laugh no matter how many times I see it. I tend to think that this "letter" written to love columnist Dr. Ruth, a rough on the eyes sex therapist, is nothing but a joke. But a joke I'm not going to ever stop laughing at.

What makes this so brilliant is imagining the poor unfortunate woman as she's writing this letter. I honestly am not even sure that last sentence is supposed to be sarcastic or not. You decide.

via Reddit

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Pure epic

History is rife with examples of how two awesome things are put together to form an even more awesomer thing: peanut butter and chocolate; rock and roll; Stephen Hawking and speak-and-spells. This 2-combo bar has been the gold standard for thousands of years of human history.

Until today.

Some grand alchemist decided he would go for the impossible. He would combine not two awesome things together, but 3. Mad, is he? Sure, I'm sure he got that a lot in his quest for human combo advancement. I'm sure his kids cried little kid tears when father wouldn't come home again because he's set afire with purpose and flashes of insight.

So I humbly present to you, something unimaginably epic - a video game that combines Pheonix Wright, Elite Beat Agents, and Queen.

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The most ridiculous mashup of video games and pop culture EVER

Dear god, my head is going implode. Kinda like a reverse pinata, only instead of candy my head is full of lulz. And these lulz collapse into singularity. Which would make them more like the letter "K" if you squint really hard. That's what singularity means, right? Oh god, my brain is so bork right now.

The good news is if the Heavy Weapons Guy's career as a Billy Mays replacement doesn't pan out, you know MTV'll probably have some work for him.

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What playing football has taught me about my MBA program (and I haven't even started class yet!)

I'm currently applying for a student blogger position at Boston College's MBA website. Since I like reusing my work whenever possible, I thought I'd share the sample I sent in here. Enjoy!

I am a first year student. And at the time of this writing, I haven't spent minute one in the classroom. What I know of my upcoming academic experience has been gathered in the form of testimonials, hearsay, and grim warnings. It's a vision of first years toiling away in break out rooms and all but sleeping at Fulton Hall 5+ days a week. It demands all that you can give and then some. You will be constantly challenged throughout the year.

Having played in high school and college, I believe football is a pretty good parallel. While the games are all typical fans are exposed to, they represent only a fraction of the sweat, hard work and dedication put in by the players. There are practices, team meetings, films, off season work out routines, and grueling summer camps - a year round regime that demands all the player can give and then some. Players are constantly challenged throughout the year (though these challenges usually manifest as 260+ lb linemen).

Ray Lewis, one of the nfl all time great linebackers, represents Accounting. You don't even want to know what the metaphor for Statistics is.
I strongly suspect the solution to tackling the first year of school here at the Carrol School of Management is the same one I discovered for playing football: give it your all and have fun.

My fellow first years and I may get (figuratively) dinged up, bruised, and battered. We may all very well exhausted every night. But if we're doing it right, if we're really getting the most out of our experience here, there's no reason we can't be smiling the whole time. I know I will be.

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Holy crap you guys, I'm going to school

Shortly after the posting of this... uh, post, I'll be moving to Boston to pursue my MBA. This is a dream 3+ years in the making, having been rejected from all applied schools years earlier. I'm super excited to get into the swing of things, even though I'm woefully unprepared. I hear this experience is akin to drinking from a fire hose - so I say let 'er rip!

However, this post is also bittersweet. If you've ever drank from a fire hose, first off what the hell is wrong with you? But more importantly, you know that in the battle between your balance and the deluge of water, the water's gonna win. I honestly don't know what amount of free time I'll have, which means I don't know what ability I have to write here on The Unwind.

This blog has been a tremendous help to me as a writer, allowing me to hone my writing craft, and as a creative outlet. I do hope to continue here, but as of right now I have to put it on tentative hiatus.

In case I can't come back to it, thank you for stopping by. I hope you've had as much fun reading this blog as I did writing it.

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Do you know the number to heaven?

I saw this on the great G4 television show Web Soup, and I needed to share it here.

So imagine you got a movie contest premise. It has to be 30 seconds long, feature a monster, someone under 18 years old and the word "fantastic". What would you come up with? Go ahead, think about it. I'll be right here.

Still need a minute? No problem.

Got it now? Good. Now throw your idea away because there is no way you're on enough drugs to top this movie (you're still able to read, after all). This could quite possibly be the most WTF thing I've ever seen in my many years on the internet. Also, I love it.

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Smile, you're on camera!

Ever go to Walmart, only to see some really creepy individual shopping? Would you like to see more of him/her? How about many different versions of him/her? Now you can, delivered right to the very computer that you're using right now!

I'm talking, of course, about the website People of Walmart.

It's got your average, run-of-the-mill creepy. It's got your take-3-showers-to-feel-clean-again creepy. It's got your absurd, ridiculous and just plain "wtf". There's something here for every voyeur too lazy to go to his local Walmart.

I'm wonder just when this site will feature a naked man in a trench coat. It's this idea's logical conclusion and, quite honestly, just a matter of time.

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Peekaboo!

I know I've been talking a lot about Team Fortress 2 here. I swear I'm not a TF2 blog, it's just... well, I'm heading to grad school soon and I don't know if I'll have the time to play it. So I've been playing it more often than usual pre-emptively in case I don't have the time to be a gamer anymore.

When I saw this video, I was instantly intrigued by a new game mode someone's created called Prop Hunt. Essentially it's hide and seek, done TF2 style. Set in arena maps, the RED team has about 30 or seconds to hide from the BLU team, then the BLU team has the remaining time to go forth and slaughter. Sounds simple, right?

Nope. The BLU team, default pyro (though you can switch to heavy, another good choice), takes damage everytime they fire their weapons. So it pays to conserve instead of W+M1. Yes, you can pull the trigger so much you die. To augment this, periodically the capture point is "refreshed" and you can touch it for full health. The brilliance of this is that it takes you away from the hunt.

Oh, yeah, and it's called prop hunt. The RED team, forcibly scouts, are all turned into random map props as soon as the round begins. We're talking palm trees, buckets, doors, wood piles, hay - whatever is native to the map. Actually, the worst things to be forced to hide as are capture points (BLU always checks the point and you always look out of place anywhere else) and BLU pyros - you hold no gun and don't have the same running animations the other BLU pyros do.

The outcome of all this is interesting. RED's advantage, aside from being a prop, is its speed and mobility. I can't tell you the number of times I've spotted and lit a hider, only to have him run away from me before I could kill him. But what BLU lacks in speed, it makes up for in numbers - once a prop is out and running, you can see everyone scramble to cut off angles and kill it.

It's amazing to see what can be done with a little creativity and the patience to create a new game mode. Wholly recommended.

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8-bit tripping

Stop motion video is a medium that has always fascinates me. You set up a picture, take it, then work to set up the next picture that's only slightly different than the one before so as to create motion. Rinse and repeat. Because the effort required to produce even a small amount of video is enormous, it's almost always a labor of love. And that's usually reflected in the video itself.

Case in point, 8-bit Trip. Someone (or several someones, more likely) spent 1,500 hours assembling and disassembling Lego blocks to create some amazing 8-bit esque video. The results are stunning.

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Stop having a boring head, stop having a boring life.

Like many people, in TF2 one of the things I find most frustrating (aside from repeatedly getting schooled) is not having hats. I have one. There are a total of 30 if you count the hatless hats. Doing the math, I need some more fucking hats.

You like my hat, chuckle-nuts?
The only way to unlock them is to play TF2. Like, a lot of TF2, because hats drop about as frequently as Beastie Boys albums. But what do you do if you don't have the time to play 20 hours a day?

That's when you something like SteamStats, an idler. It allows you to be "logged into" TF2 using a fake server and just sits there. It's not nearly as computer resource intensive as just chilling in an idle server, so keeping it up and running is just a matter of not playing anything on Steam while you go about your business or just leaving your computer on.

Items drop about 5-6 times a day, and so far I've received no hats, but just the fact that I now have a greater chance to get my beloved camera beard makes this full of win. Enjoy your hats.

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Best. Cake. Ever.

This weekend brought about a going away party for me, in which a lot of my friends and family were able to make it. And while I haven't been able to fully debrief all people there, the general consensus was that it was a rip-roaring good time.

The best part of the whole thing? I got cakerolled. I know I shared this on Twitter previously, but it's so full of win (and ice cream) that I have to devote some space on this blog towards it. This post is its posthumous shrine.

My girlfriend is the best for having this made. Totally have to marry her after this.

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Dance Dance Evolution

Wikipedia defines the Lindy Hop as:

...an African American dance, based on the popular Charleston and named for Charles Lindbergh's Atlantic crossing in 1927. It evolved in New York City in the 1920s and '30s and originally evolved with the jazz music of that time. Lindy was a fusion of many dances that preceded it or were popular during its development but is mainly based on jazz, tap, breakaway and Charleston. It is frequently described as a jazz dance and is a member of the swing dance family.

I would have used the more succinct "awesome", but that's me. What about you?

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