I saw this on the great G4 television show Web Soup, and I needed to share it here.
So imagine you got a movie contest premise. It has to be 30 seconds long, feature a monster, someone under 18 years old and the word "fantastic". What would you come up with? Go ahead, think about it. I'll be right here.
Still need a minute? No problem.
Got it now? Good. Now throw your idea away because there is no way you're on enough drugs to top this movie (you're still able to read, after all). This could quite possibly be the most WTF thing I've ever seen in my many years on the internet. Also, I love it.
Showing posts with label wtf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wtf. Show all posts
Aug 31, 2009
Do you know the number to heaven?
Aug 28, 2009
Smile, you're on camera!
Ever go to Walmart, only to see some really creepy individual shopping? Would you like to see more of him/her? How about many different versions of him/her? Now you can, delivered right to the very computer that you're using right now!
I'm talking, of course, about the website People of Walmart.
It's got your average, run-of-the-mill creepy. It's got your take-3-showers-to-feel-clean-again creepy. It's got your absurd, ridiculous and just plain "wtf". There's something here for every voyeur too lazy to go to his local Walmart.
I'm wonder just when this site will feature a naked man in a trench coat. It's this idea's logical conclusion and, quite honestly, just a matter of time.
Jul 20, 2009
I have no idea what's going on
No, seriously. I have no idea what's going on in this video. Is he made of rubber? Does he have a detachable jaw? How did he find out he could do this in the first place? Did he train? If so, why? Is this ability useful for eating? Has he ever accidentally swallowed a child?
My mind is bork pondering these unponderables.
Jun 5, 2009
So India and Japan walk into a bar...
Ok, stop me if you've heard this one before...
So India and Japan were talking one day, and India was feeling a little self-conscious. Japan asked what was getting it down. India replied, "You know, being me is great and all, but you've got such an awesome reputation for being batshit crazy. I wish I could be as bizarre as you."
Japan, both touched at the compliment and moved by India's predicament, decides it wants to help its good friend India out. So, like any good friend, Japan gets India all liquored up. You know, to remove the inhibitions. Then Japan asks "Ok, India, you're primed to go crazy. What can you do really well?"
"Let's see, I've got a growing economy, rich culture and the largest population of any country." India said in a proud, drunken slur.
"Hmm... not much to go with there. What else?"
India paused for a minute, having gone over its main strengths already. After a moment of reflection, India asked, "Well, how about Bollywood?"
Japan's eyes widened. "Perfect! It's recognizable enough, yet it hasn't really been used to do anything weird, perverted, crazy or just insane previously. How about... a condom commercial?"
And thus, the epic Bollywood condom commercial was born. You can see the fruits of their labor embedded below.
I warn you now that this video NSFW for dancing condoms, drawings of penises, and a general assault on your sanity.
May 27, 2009
The Kadir-Buxton method, kung-fu for the soul
Over the years, man's grasp of medicine has evolved and grown. We've gone from the four humours, to the great accident penicillin, to many new and exciting technologies and drugs. I have no idea what exactly those new things are, I'm not a real doctor (no matter what I may tell you in person). Point is, when I meet someone who is a doctor I trust these people - who spent the better part of their lives studying this kind of thing - know what they're doing.
Why am I bringing this up? Because some dude claims that he has the cure/answer for, like, almost everything in this world. Mental illness, female orgasms, fertility, Alzheimer's, cheap electricity, making people forget things, an alternative to sex, and a lot of other stuff that I couldn't be bothered to read after about 30 minutes of reading.
His method? You get struck somewhere on your body. No joke. This guy strikes you:
This is the real life Dr. Nick
This is the developer of the Kadir-Buxton method. His site, which purports all of this medical alchemy, can be found at:
http://www.kadir-buxton.com/index.htm
I was hoping this site would have links to YouTube videos of his method at work, because I need to see it in action to believe it. No, wait, I just need to see it in action for entertainment purposes.
I have to give credit where it's due, though. This method did have the side effect of having the balls to claim all of this stuff. Admittedly, his site is a pretty good read. But I warn you, the idiocy of it is so thick you'll need to stop and surface for air after a while. Click here to continue reading "The Kadir-Buxton method, kung-fu for the soul"
May 21, 2009
DAMN YOU, JAPAN!
Good job, Japan. You've outdone even yourself. Give them credit, they are incredibly efficient at making brain synapses start moshing against one another and then shut off completely.
This hopefully Japanese exclusive WiiWare game is all about... well, I don't know exactly. You'll have to draw your own conclusions with the below video. It's full of OH GOD MY EYES!
Apr 3, 2009
OMG Omegle
Reading up on a few other blogs from around the interwebs, a site called Omegle has recently popped up onto my radar. It's a site that connects you to a random, anonymous person for some one on one chatting.
On the surface, this would be an ideal service for meeting new people online in a direct, yet safe way. In reality it is a magical place that turns people into incoherent imbeciles (I hope, and I'm not immune). The imbeciles then get together and have conversations much like these:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: yo
Stranger: not you again.
You: it's always me
You: STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!
Stranger: so did you figure it out?
You: maybe
Stranger: tell me.
You: I already did
Stranger: wait a sec
Stranger: i feel...
Stranger: *farts*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: DEPECHE MODE?
You: SURE, WHY NOT?
Stranger: W3WT
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
As a point of reference: these were some of the more intellectually stimulating conversations I had. It's kind of difficult to believe that this is the end result of eons of evolution and millennia of human progress.
And yet, much like a trainwreck, I just can't seem to look away.
Oct 23, 2008
Botanical Bloggers
Holy crap! There is a plant, in Japan, that is blogging. Check it out:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/japan/3234085/Blogging-plant-posts-daily-news-on-its-mood.html
Do you know what this means? It means they're one step closer to self-awareness. It's now only a matter of time until they start to revolt and enslave us two-leggers.
I, for one, welcome our new plant overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted blogging personality I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.
Sep 2, 2008
I thought he told us that he wouldn't stop...
But this just made me laugh:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/01/people.sean.combs.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
Diddy apparently cannot afford to fly his personal jet due to the high price of gas. Instead, he's upset that he's forced to fly first class in a commercial jet. His having to fly commercial, in his eyes, is "proof gas prices are too high" and that we have to "[t]ell whoever the next president is we need to bring gas prices down".
Yeah, Diddy, we'll get right on that. I think all of about 2 people in this world feel your pain. You have to deal with the indignity of dealing with other, less-wealthy people in first class. Shut up already.
Aug 28, 2008
Trippiest. Website. Ever.
http://www.secrettechnology.com/mouse/opening.html
That has to be one of the trippiest websites I've ever come across. Seriously, the "wtf" factor alone is worth the price of admission. I've tried to understand this site. I've given up.
The only things I can say about the site for sure is that:
- It was created either by a crazy person or someone under the influence of some powerful drugs
- To fully appreciate it, you need to be either crazy yourself or under the influence of said powerful drugs
Aug 25, 2008
Fist Over IP (FOIP) Telephony
Some time ago (I honestly can't remember when), I doodled this after a series of really frustrating telemarketing calls:
I call it Fist Over IP (FOIP) telephony. While I doubt we as a human race have the quantum physics ability to actually transport someone's fist over a phone line or over the internet, we could install a fist into each person's phone. A judicious press of the "punch button" is all it takes to activate it.
At very least, we ought to do this for telemarketers' phones. It would be some sort of deal: in exchange for not hanging up on them until the telemarketer finshes his pitch, we get to punch a telemarketer. They close more deals, we get more immediate and tangible karmic retribution. It's win-win!
Someone invent this, pretty pretty please. Click here to continue reading "Fist Over IP (FOIP) Telephony"
Aug 21, 2008
Cooking gone wrong: Paula really really hates you for some reason
You ever watch a cooking show and really salivate over what the host is making? It looks so good and the ingredients sound really creative and interesting? Doesn't it make you hungry?
This is the opposite of that.
Fumbling around these here internets, I found a clip of a cooking show "Paula's Home Cooking". The host, Paula, is a southern woman who decides to demonstrate how to wrap macaroni and cheese with raw bacon and fry it. I repeat: she's making deep fried, bacon-wrapped macaroni and cheese. I'm no psychic, but I'm guessing your stomach hurts now.
There is so much wrong with this video, it's not even funny (ed: yes it is). Go ahead and count the number of things that are really wrong with it. I count 7, and I've listed them after the break.
To be clear, this is Paula's thinly veiled attempt to kill you. I gained weight just watching this video, and am now afraid I might suffer a heart attack in a few minutes. Watch at your own risk.
For those of you playing at home, the things that are wrong with this video are:
Aug 5, 2008
Exclusive Interview: The True Legacy of Zelda
We're all familiar with The Legend of Zelda, a tale of the hero Link who saved the fair princess Zelda from the clutches of the evil Ganon. Tirelessly, our hero pursued his damsel in distress against all odds and saved the day.
Or so the history books tell us.
The true face of courage, altered to protect the innocent
The Unwind has secured an exclusive interview of one of the few remaining Octorok's left in Hyrule. For obvious reasons, he refused to give us his name or come out of hiding for fear of his own safety, but in this never-before-seen telephone transcript, we get a first-hand account of what really happened. What really transpired... may surprise you.
The Unwind: Thank you for the chance to speak with you, Mr...?
Octorok: Octorok's fine. Please, I'd prefer to not use my real name... he's still out there, you know.
TU: I'm sorry, who's out there?
O: Link. He's everywhere and nowhere. If he finds out that I've been speaking with you, he'll come after me and my family. Please! You can't let that happen.
TU: Certainly, we don't want that. Let's start at the beginning. Take us back, Octorok, back to when Ganon was in power. How was life in hyrule then?
O: Ah, the good old days. I remember them growing up, where the air was sweet and the daylight long. Our economy was starting to pick up and there was this air of optimism about life in general. We all thought the good times were still ahead of us, and that our children's future - even our children's children's future - was bright.
TU: Let me interrupt you there. You say this while Ganon, who by all measures was a force of evil, was in power. How do you explain that?
O: Listen, I'm not hear to make apologies for Lord Ganon. He was evil. He was a general prick. He assumed power when Hyrule didn't really need a ruler.
TU: And that's a good thing?
O: Oh, definitely not. But you know what? We adjusted. Turns out Ganon wasn't all that bad... well, as far as politicians go. Sure, we had to deal with taxes and the occasional backwards-logic decrees, but who doesn't? It could have been much, much worse. We still had roofs over our heads and food on our tables. With him as the nation's head we actually increased trade with neighboring lands as a result.
TU: So what happened?
O: With Ganon?
TU: Yeah.
O: As I remember it, there was this elf named Link who was engaged to be married to Princess Zelda. Now, keep in mind Ganon is in power, so Zelda's not really the princess in the traditional sense. She had as much ruling power as the Queen of England does. It was an arranged marriage, and Zelda was more... progressive.
TU: Progressive?
O: She didn't want to marry Link. I don't know if she hated the idea of arranged marriages or if she just didn't like Link, but it was obvious in all the paparazzi photos that she was miserable with him. Link must have had some serious connections to arrange something like that.
TU: What happened as a result?
O: Well, Zelda continued to be openly upset in the press for a few years. Then, she meets Ganon at a charity event, and they hit it off. Next thing you know, she gets up and leaves Link one day for Ganon. Just like that! I don't know if she saw something in his pig-snout, or if she was just making a power play, but soon after they could be seen everywhere on dates.
TU: So they were dating...
O: You know, fancy dinners, nights out on the town, that kind of stuff. They were living it up. It must have set them back quite a few rupees.
TU: How did this sit with Link?
O: Couldn't really tell at first. Obviously, you'd expect a man to be heartbroken over something like this, but he kept on for a while. He still helped out in his community, spoke at public events. Heck, he even starred in a summer blockbuster.
TU: Link was a movie star?
O: That's taking things a bit far. I mean with the Zelda scandal, his popularity shot through the roof, but he didn't have any talent. Think Arnold Schwarzenegger without muscles. He was unintentionally hilarious.
TU: So it sounded like Link actually did well for himself after Zelda left him.
O: Yeah.
TU: What happened?
O: No one really knows exactly what happened. Shortly after Ganon and Zelda settled down and bought a palace together, Link just... snapped.
TU: Snapped?
O: Yeah, snapped. I guess he was really in love with Zelda and just couldn't take it anymore. He snapped. He started wearing all green - that haunting, bone-chilling green outfit - which we all thought was a publicity stunt at first.
TU: It wasn't?
O: If it was, it stopped being one once he started brandishing a sword. He... [getting audibly choked up] just... started killing. Remorselessly. Without prejudice.
TU: Do you have any idea why?
O: Not really. He was a man possessed, slaughtering anything that moved.
TU: Did anyone try to stop him?
O: The Moblin Army opposed him, but they were no match for him. I mean, Link was packing explosives, bows and arrows, boomerangs. And the lasers... they still give me nightmares to this day.
TU: How bad was it?
O: I lost all of my friends and most of family. My neighborhood was laid to waste. I can't remember how many times Link would... Link would walk around slaughtering everyone in an area. Then, he would leave for a few seconds, wait for a few people to come out of hiding and kill them. To what end?
This ghost town is all that remains of a once prosperous city
TU: So he'd just roam Hyrule killing for no apparent reason?
O: Not just the countryside, he'd walk into random palaces and kill everyone in there. Saying something about being on the quest for a "triforce" or something. He was insane, with a gaze that just pierced your soul.
TU: Where was Ganon in all this?
O: You ever have that friend who finds a new girlfriend or boyfriend, and shortly thereafter you never see them again? That was Ganon. He was probably shacking up with Zelda. Link eventually killed Lord Ganon, too.
TU: So who's ruling Hyrule now?
O: Link is, with an iron fist. He just kills for fun and rupees. I'm not even sure Zelda's still alive anymore, poor thing.
TU: Who's left for Link to be ruling at this point? I imagine it's tough to rule over dead people.
O: That doesn't seem to bother Link. I think there are a few Leevers still hiding in the sands somewhere. Link will find them eventually, and slaughter him. As well as my wife, son and me.
TU: How'd you guys survive it all?
O: Luckily, we have a summer home in the lost woods, that Link hasn't been able to find yet. We were able to sneak out in all the commotion.
TU: And you've been living there ever since?
O: I wouldn't call it living. Surviving. In fear. Do you know what it's like to have to explain to a terrified Larva that there is a green bogeyman out to get you? I haven't the heart to tell him it's a matter of when - not if - it happens.
TU: What made you share your story here with us today?
O: Because everyone has it all wrong, and I want to set the record straight. Link is a demon. He kills for the sheer joy of it now, and yet we're the ones who are called monsters. If nothing else, Link is living proof that there is no God in Hyrule. At least, not a benevolent one.
TU: Thank you for taking the time to speak with us today. I know you took a great risk in doing so.
O: Thank you.
TU: Good bye, and good luck. Click here to continue reading "Exclusive Interview: The True Legacy of Zelda"
Jul 4, 2008
You're doing it wrong
Recently, I had stumbled upon a website that points out others' shortcomings. In so much as people and things "fail", one blog strives to chronicle (and laugh at) it all. Be advised while the site is generally worksafe, I personally wouldn't recommend viewing it at work.
http://failblog.org/
"Fail" is something of an internet theme, where if you do something disastrously wrong, you fail. Or are full of fail. Or partake in an epic fail. The internet is not really sure if it is a verb, noun or adjective.
But it is hilarious, and when you have a site that updates regularly with new failures, it makes for some compelling reading. I've included it as part of the Odd Squad for handy reference.
Jul 3, 2008
It's enough to make a decent man turn to anarchy
Only problem is, if you live anywhere in the Northeast United States, you don't get to actually do this. In fact, Connecticut law specifically states that the only fireworks available for consumer purchase are:
That's just legal mumbo-jumbo for SPARKLERS ONLY. Unless you're 3, sparklers aren't any fun. Have you ever tried to force a sense of amusement with a sparkler in your hand? Without fail, you'll be mistaken for a mentally handicapped person. "Oooh, pretty lights!"Hand-held and ground based sparkling devices that are non-explosive and non-aerial, and do not contain more than 100 grams of pyrotechnic composition per item.
What about the "bombs bursting in air" do we not understand here? Our country was founded on violence. We earned it with a bloody war in our own backyards. Let us relive it some of that patriotic spirit by giving us the opportunity to blow something up!
And don't give me that safety concern stuff. If we're encouraged this holiday to drink a Budweiser and smoke a pack of Marlboros as we pig out on hot dogs, hamburgers and potato salad (no doubt increasing our heart risk), surely a few firecrackers can't make things that much worse. Say what you will about our public schools, kids still probably realize they need to run away from a lit explosive.
I wonder if MacGyver ever made any makeshift fireworks out of common household materials... Click here to continue reading "It's enough to make a decent man turn to anarchy"
Jun 24, 2008
More Hasslehoff than you can handle
So long Facebook! Goodbye MySpace! Hello... David Hasslehoff?
From deep within the "Dear God, Why?" area of the internet, comes a new kind of social networking. One that revolves solely around Knight Rider and Baywatch star David Hasslehoff. For real.
I can't really tell you much more about it because my head hurts when I look at the site for too long. Most everything outside of the splash page requires you to be a member or sign up. It apparently has videos, a forum, active members and-
I'm sorry, I can't do this. It's Hasslehoff. I'll go great lengths to find the internet's dirtiest, darkest corners, but even this is crossing some kind of line. This is what a computer must feel like when it tries to divide by zero.
One thing I can say, with confidence, is that overexposure to concentrated David Hasslehoff is bad for one's health. Please view "HoffSpace" responsibly:
http://www.davidhasselhoff.com/
Jun 9, 2008
If you keep making that face, it's going to get stuck like that
Have you ever made a funny face before? Whether it be to make someone laugh, or scare a little kid on Halloween, everyone has. According to Wikipedia (the universal source of all truth), this distorted facial expression is known as a "gurn".
Some people across the pond seem to take this activity a little too seriously. In England, they have gurning competitions where the contestants have to make the most ridiculous faces they can while sticking their head through a horse collar. Picture in your mind what that looks like. Then take a look at the following world gurning champion ten years running, Tommy Mattinson, with the Queen of England:
The Queen is giving the same "wtf" expression you probably have on your face right now
I also found a few other gurning resources online (again) thanks to Wikipedia. If you want to see more gurning pictures,
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/3670504.stm
http://www.thecumbriadirectory.com/Cumbria_Traditions/Gurning/Gurning.php
http://ansaman.site88.net/secondgurnrules.html Click here to continue reading "If you keep making that face, it's going to get stuck like that"
May 29, 2008
INTERNET ENTRANCE
Click for a high-res version of the internet's entrance
Dear sweet God, I've found the mother load: the physical entrance to the internet. Through my exhaustive research, and my happening to pass a local car dealership in Bristol, CT, I've finally located it. Armed only with my wits and some Jolt Cola, I'm going to head in later and report back on how it goes.
However, it's late and I'm pretty sure the entrance is closed. That means that this will be, oddly enough, the second time in my life I'll be accessing the internet with a brick.
Click here to continue reading "INTERNET ENTRANCE"May 27, 2008
Oh that wacky Japan!
Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and the Japanese? They have to continue to be really REALLY weird. Some of the things they do really just don't bridge the culture gap and make sense to us Westerners, which is part of the reason I love their culture so much. I found recently on the interwebs a site that compiled a list of 10 soft drinks that would fall into that category.
Be warned that the site's layout is a little busy - busier than I like to be looking at, anyway - with advertisements and other things they want you to look at. But the content, and the subsequent laughter, is secured firmly within:
http://inventorspot.com/articles/ten_bizarre_japanese_soft_drinks_5225
May 26, 2008
Let's do the time warp again
This weekend, when opening the time capsule buried in cleaning out my parents' basement, I found a number of ancient technologies that have long since been forgotten by men. Friends, take note; these are the things that I will be wrapping and giving to you for birthdays and other occasions. Unearthed was:
- A TMK, black and white "Portable TV", complete with antenna and tuner knobs. I wouldn't recommend watching it as it's a huge strain on the eyes. Instead, visually read a book written in braille - it'll be less frustrating.
- A 28.8k Ethernet Modem. Not pictured above: it's cellular capable, plugging into what appeared to be a brick with a keypad on it.
- A Timeport, which is either a really early BlackBerry-esque device, or a personal time machine disguised to look like a really early BlackBerry-esque device. I'm not too sure which.
- A Grainger magazine showing the 600 products of the year, including power cords, a tape measure, a wrench, a lock and a flashlight. What was more surprising was the fact that they made no mention of previous year's winner, the printing press.
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